Our history continued...

The only part about the first cycle that was hard, was the end. Not just the finding out it was unsuccessful, but my period. It was really heavy and the cramps were worse than normal. Ok, its worth it, its helping us try to get pregnant. I can handle it. I did have some water retention throughout the cycle b/c of the drugs but not to bad. So I venture back to the doctor. Whats next. They are going to up the drugs and this time instead of timed intercourse, they are going to do IUI (intra-uterine insemination), otherwise known as artificial insemination. With that, I do the same injections and medications as the first time, a little stronger, and for 2 days around my ovulation they "turkey baste" my husbands sperm deep into my uterus right at the entrace to my fallopian tube.

So I start the whole thing over again. Medications...dr's appts...blood work... I drive to their main facility both days and they do the artifical insemination. Again, my husband schedule leaves him at sea the days I go in for the insemination. It was no big deal, took about 10 minutes, 9 of which is laying on the table afterward before you can leave. Quick, easy, painless... I go home at the end of the second day and this time is it. I know it! I am going to be pregnant. My brain is wondering about what we are going to have, how I am going to decorate the room, lalalalala... Two weeks go by, and I am speeding to the drug store once again to purchase the pregnancy test that will go in my little ones baby album.

Negative.... Oh my god! I actually didn't cry, I was really upset but I didn't cry. I acted like nothing happened. I was numb. The fertility center requires that you come in for bloodwork regardless whether you think you are pregnant or not. So I make my appt, knowing its going to be negative, and go in for the blood work. I get to the office and sign in and literally start balling my eyes out at the counter. I felt so stupid but I couldn't control it. My "amazing" nurse that I was assigned to, came rushing out of her office to get me out of the waiting room of onlooking hormonal women. Probably not good for business. :-) LOL. I explained to her that I knew I wasn't pregnant and I just didn't want to be there. I didn't want to have to be "reconfirmed" that yes, I WASN'T PREGNANT. I just wanted to be home and not think about it. I was surprised that I got so upset, my emotions were finally crashing down. I mean, I cried a couple times over the course of the last 1 1/2yr but nothing like this. Plus, the increased medication had really taken a toll on me this time. I had alot of water retention, expecially in my ankles. I was swollen all over, even in my lips. I felt like I had Angelina lips, but really they were that big, just felt like it. To make it worse, and I personally think, more emoitional, the period was horrible. The bleeding was very heavy and the cramps were miserable. We were driving back from the beach, the day my cramps hit, and I had to pull over for my husband to drive b/c they were so bad. I road the rest of the way back curled up in the passenger seat. Had it not been for a weekend and us being out of town, I would have been calling the doctor requesting some sort of pain medicine. It was not fun!

I decided at this point that I couldn't keep doing this. I wasn't going to go through another expensive and uncomfortable cycle for it not to work. I couldn't afford it, I was affraid of it being more painful and emotionally I couldn't do it again. At this point, we had spent about $8k and we had no baby. The doctor recommended eithor one more try with medications and IUI, or going straight to IVF (in-vitro fertilization). The IVF program was $20,000 plus the cost of drugs, which ranged from $3k-5k per cycle. With the $20k, we get up to 6 attempts and if we don't deliver a live baby we get a full refund, excluding the cost of the drugs. HOLY CRAP, $25,000... Who can afford that? How are we going to every have children? This is so unfair! Why us? No way... We will look into adoption or foster care, something. Sticker shock!

I never I stopped thinking about our fertility but I stopped being active in it at this point. I needed a break and we didn't have that kind of money anyway. It was a good break...We did what we wanted, when we wanted... We went away...We decided to move... I stayed busy. Selling the house and moving kept me occupied. As the couple months passed, the urge to get back into fertility increased again. After 3 years of trying, it was time. It was getting harder and harder as more of our friends were catching up with us and getting married and getting pregnant. Pregnancy is running rampant in our group of friends. This was the point that I really saw a increase in the support from my husband. I am not saying that he wasn't supportive before, because he was, but I think his own desire really began to increase as his own "buddies" were having kids. It was different before b/c we were the only ones trying which meant we were going to be the first ones to give up our partying, bar hopping lifestyle. But now, everyone was settling down. Our friends and family were coming over for parties with the kids. And we were getting a little older, it was time. Our plan of having children young, and being able to have retirement kids free was starting to dwindle if we didn't do something soon. Eithor do it now, or wait a couple years, enjoy this time and do it later. We decide now is the time.

So I eagerly make the appointment to meet my new doctor. Same practice, but closer to our new home. He confirms what our other doctor had stated, but he pushes the IVF more than the additional cycle of IUI. More so because it seemed dumb to spend another $4k for a procedure that was guarenteed, when we had already spent so much. We spend the next couple weeks figuring out how we are going to pay for all of this. Thanks to the amazing care and suport of our family, we were able to avoid the rediculously high interest rates that the healthcare financing companys slam you with. Anyway, we make the exciting trip back to the fertility center to sign all the forms and write the big check.... So exciting!!!!